Mystery opening

See Below for my opening to a mystery / murder novel I am working on. What happens when a serial killer takes the life of a mob bosses granddaughter? Can the police solve it before the city is drowned in violence as the underworld begins its own man hunt. Love to hear from any other writers or anyone really!

Anna looked at herself in the mirror, she had only put her little red thong back on, she was glad she wore it today, he seemed to have liked it. Her hair was a mess but other than that she was pleased, with what looked back at her. She turned to one side then the other, sucking in her tiny tummy. It had taken her a long time, years of work and diet but she now had the body she dreamed of all her life. It had taken careful eating and hours in the gym but it was worth it. The man in the motel room had seemed to love it. A year ago no man would have randomly chatted her up and then taken her to a motel room. It was a skeezy motel room no doubt, but it did kind of add to the whole mystique of it. Thought they had shrunk a bit, she was happy she still retained most of her “big girl” boobs. She smiled at herself and jumped once. The still bounced nicely. She smiled and giggled to herself a bit. He gently knocked on the bathroom door, she opened it for him. It wasn’t locked he could have barged in but he didn’t, he was a gentleman. He smiled at her, that smile had been the first thing that caught her eye in the pub. She had been sitting studying when he sat down. He had brought her a wine, the same she had just ordered. He had given the name John but she was sure it was a fake. Her name wasn’t Anna, even if that is what she had given. But he could talk, well no he didn’t talk, he listened. In fact she had talked for easily an hour, he had nodded and asked questions but didn’t reveal anything about himself. She had talked about her life, her school, she even teased him about her grandpa without saying his name. She thought about it, she might have told him her life story but he hadn’t said much. Maybe it was true, a girl just needed a shoulder now and then. His body though, wow. He was only wearing his boxers. God did he look good.  Like a carved statue, David but instead of a leaf he had Joe Boxer. He stood behind her and smiled. It wasn’t the winning smile he had used earlier though. It was cold almost ugly.

“Wow that was crazy. I have never done anything like that before.” Anna whispered to him, it was true she hadn’t he was only the second man she had been with. He just continued to smile. He was taking off his bracelet, she had thought it was odd he didn’t take it off earlier and would now. He took his rings off and his chain but left the leather looking bracelet on. “Did you enjoy it?” She teased.

“It was average, but I have fucked many whores before.” He said, it was monotone and she didn’t know how to respond. He had been aggressive in the bedroom, more rough than she had ever had. Maybe this was just more of that. His bracelet was now off. It seemed to be expandable.

“Watch what you say mister! My grandfather is a bad man and he wouldn’t like that kinda talk.” She turned to face him but he had grabbed her shoulders. She didn’t realize how strong he really was, she felt pinned by him. She should have known he was by the way he had picked her up in the bedroom that he was very strong.

“No one really cares about some old fuck who raised a dumb whore. Who really is stupid enough to just come here? You don’t know me. I don’t care about you. You’re just another flesh bag.” In the mirror she saw his hands drop from her and pull apart his bracelet. It only took a second to wrap the cord around her throat.

Her first instinct was to grab at the cord. It was already too tight to pull it off. Fear kicked in but not a crazy fear, it was more fight than flight. With one foot she pushed herself backwards off the vanity. They crashed into the bathtub, her landing on top of him. She felt the cord loosen but she didn’t try to pull it off. She started crashing her elbows into his body. He tensed but it didn’t seem to loosen the cord. In fact he got it tightened again. She realized he elbows were getting weaker and the room was getting blacker. For Anna what had been an amazing afternoon turned into pure horror. All those warning her mother had given her about men came flooding back. Her grandfather and what she called his paranoia about an evil world flooded her brain. Just before everything went black a small smile played on her face. If this was her end she knew her grandfather would give John a much worse end.

He stood over her body. The little bitch has surprised him. All of them had panicked, she had fought back though. Most tried to scream, cry or plead. That was new and kind of exciting before he got the cord tight again, for a second he had felt a twinge of fear. Thinking about it he felt himself get slightly aroused again. He looked at her, then felt shame for a second. He was not willing to do that with a corpse. He had smacked his head on the tub. There was some blood he would have to clean. He had a kit in his truck though. He would need to go get the bag to put the body in. It still amazed him how many women were willing to go to these motels. They worked great for him, no camera and no one who was willing to talk to the cops. Mostly junkies and hookers. It was getting late, he knew he needed to get home and now he had to clean. God this bitch had cause him more trouble than she had been worth.